Monday, June 21, 2010

Baby Food for Thought

Why have a baby? This is something I have been thinking about lately. Now don't get me wrong, I want a family, I want to have a baby, but I want to have a baby for the right reasons and not just because it is something you do. Nathan and I have been married for 3.5 years now. We are happy. We do what we want, go out when we want and enjoy each other's company. Life is good with the two of us. I could go on living like this forever. So I guess my question to others, those mothers who visit my little blog here, is why did you decide to have a baby? When did you know it was the right time? Was it something you always wanted? Do you just love babies? Were you bored? Did you do it because it is a Bible teaching? Did you feel like you were getting old? Were curious about what they would look like?

Again, I do not want you guys thinking I don't want a baby. I do. I am just curious how others came to the decision. I am doing a little exploring.

{written before I found I have PCOS}


  1. It does drastically change your life. You can't do what you want, when you want. You are basically there to take care of a baby, and not much else. But taking care of a baby is something that made me feel complete. I really enjoyed just having the time with my husband with no distractions, and being able to be spontaneous. But for us, the time just felt right. We have a great relationship, so we weren't trying to fill a void, we were just adding something wonderful, to our already wonderful life! I love our little girl, and now I can't imagine life without her!

  2. When I was at BYU I took an LDS Marriage and Family course. One night, I was praying and I got the distinct impression that I was no supposed to wait to have kids. I wasn't praying about having babies or even getting married, so I had no idea why I got that answer.
    When Sean and I got engaged, I told him that I felt that we weren't supposed to wait to have kids. He agreed and so, 3 months after being married, we ended up pregnant. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but being so sick really made Sean and I learn what our limits really were and really got to know and love each other in a totally different way then I ever imagined. But that doesn't exactly answer your question, does it?
    Last Novemember, I started getting the feeling that we were supposed to start trying for baby #2. And so we "stopped preventing." Granted, we're not "trying" as often as we were when we first got married (don't have that kind of time/privacy), but so far we haven't been able to get a positive result.
    So, the long and short of my answer is, the Lord let me know and I cannot deny that. :)

  3. well...i want to have kids because a. its a commandment-replenish the earth. imagine if mom was like, hmmm I don't really want to have kids. you and i wouldn't be alive deary. its a selfless act for sure. Really good mothers are the most loving down to earth people i know. b. I love kids. I love being around kids. They are innocent and funny and cute and fun-loving. So having a baby means i will have a kid eventually that i can play with and teach and watch grow. I also love people. so the more kids, the more people in my life and that's great. And there is so much I think i would miss out on if i never experienced having a kid. My mom brought me in to this world and raised me so its only the right thing to do to repay the favor to another child of God. But i can see what your saying-life with just you and your husband is easy and fun, who wouldn't want to stop that? I think God would let you know when its right.

  4. It's interesting that you chose to blog about this today. It's been on my mind alot lately. Erick and I have been married a little over 4 years and people look at us like something is wrong because we don't have children while people around us are popping up pregnant all the time (even in law school) I sometimes feel guilty that we are getting old (me especially) and we haven't seriously thought about having kids. I would like to have a family some day, but I don't want to start having babies because other people think I need to or when I really don't feel ready. I feel like we are incredibly unprepared as I am our only source of income and insurance and should anything happen, we're in trouble. I think we are a little selfish right now also. We are able to do a lot of things and spend money differently and still be able to enoy each other. I often wonder if there are any other people out there that feel the same way I do. I want to have kids, but for the right reasons, not because someone told me to. Thank you for blogging about it, now I don't feel so bad about questioning it.

  5. If u feel like u wanna have a baby... Then make a baby. If u do not feel the urge to have a baby... Then don't! It's that simple. And to be honest, who gives a crap what anyone thinks about u. Do what U feel is best for U!!! The end!

  6. you totally don't know me, but I love your clothing transformations so I check your blog every once in a while. You have great style! Anyways, for us, everything lined up. We were done with school, married 5 years, husband had a great, stable job that would allow me the option of working if I wanted to, and the most important thing- I felt it was time. I knew it is one of the hardest things you will ever do, and I was ready to face it. I was tired of being selfish and I knew that being a mother was the only way I would ever become the "down to earth, loving person" I craved to become. And let me tell you I feel I am slowly reaching my goal and that is because I chose to have children.

  7. Growing up I didn't want kids at all. I didn't like them, I didn't want that kind of responsibility. A lot of the time I didn't want to get married either. I wanted to just be able to do whatever I wanted to do and that was that. Then I met Aaron...obviously I got married. I got married A LOT younger than I had even planned on getting married (during the moments in my life when I wanted to of course) and almost instantly I got baby hungry. Honestly I think it's because the Lord knew it was going to take us almost 4 years to get our first baby. Had we waited, who knows when we would have had kids. We most definitely wouldn't be pregnant with number 2 right now. Also this sounds stupid but I'm glad we did start trying so early because I found out a lot of things that were wrong with me medically that I probably wouldn't have caught so early that could have ended up being worse....did that even make sense? Anyway, now that I am a mother I am so glad I was filled with such a desire to be one so soon after we got married. You think your husband loves you but the unconditional love you get from your own child is irreplaceable. Sometimes Kade walks up to me and says "Mama, hold you." so that I'll hold him and it completely melts my heart away. We absolutely LOVED having those first four years with just the two of us doing whatever we felt like whenever we felt like it. But I wouldn't go back for anything. Not now that I know what I would be missing out on! (P.S. I won't be proof reading this so it may be difficult to read and right now I don't care. Sorry.)

  8. I am not a mom and I am not quite sure what to do except to pray about it and pray with your husband about it. It's something we've discussed many times. We want one, but there are other factors- we are coming up on our 1 year anniversary, we enjoy our alone time, we do not have any pets or children that we need to come home and tend to. There is also the insurance matter since I don't have secure full time employment at the moment. I feel like when it is God's time, it will happen for us. I just worry that I get too caught up in being selfish because I enjoy not having that responsibility. I worry that maybe I'll never want to have it but I feel conflicted about it. Sometimes we are so tuned in to what we want we tune the Lord out, and I'm worried that is me. You have an awesome head on your shoulders and I am sure you will do the right thing!

  9. Hey girlie well I think it's something you should defnitely pray and ponder on, that's always the best way to figure it out. I can understand how your feeling with being able to enjoy your freedom, sometimes I miss that but things are so much more fun now. It is the greatest adventure being a parent. It's not all hapy go lucky it's HARD, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. But the hardest things are the MOST rewarding. There is nothing in this life that will give you more satisfaction then being a mother. There are times where I want to runaway and there are times when I feel my heart may burst from the joy my children give me. You have to do whats right for you, and seek the Lords help. One thing I want you to know is there is no such thing as a "perfect time" to have kids. There are a million and one excuses, and that's how the world wants it to be because it is the most important work you can do.
    I have always been a little on the selfish side and my kids have helped me grow up and see things clearer, they keep me grounded. I was good with just 2 kids and wanted to be done. There's no way I would take Maddox back for the world. Just do what you feel and don't let others get you down. -xo-


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