I have found it. I've finally found my peace and happiness. You see, I'd been searching for and trying to find myself for years. I was seeking out understanding my role as a mom, a teacher, and a wife.
Seven years ago, I found myself in the greatest emotional struggle of my adult life. Here I was with my newborn baby, and all I wanted to do was stay home with him forever, but three months into his life, I returned to teaching. Despite how much I loved teaching, there was a small hole in my heart, one that only got bigger when I had my daughter, and for the second time, I left my baby and went back to work.
I struggled to accept my life as a working mom, and as much as I loved my role as a teacher, I thought I'd never indeed be happy until I could be a full-time stay-at-home mom. This illusion only became stronger as saw people I followed on social media quit their jobs and stay home thanks to starting their own home-based business, and somehow I got it in my head that I was a bad mom because I worked, that I needed to be like them. I thought that would be the answer and bring me the happiness I was seeking.
So I pursued various opportunities until I found one that would allow me to afford to stay at home. Little did I know the year away from teaching would become the most empowering experience of my life.
It was only by stepping back that I realized I was already where I was supposed to be. I realized I already had all the happiness in the world. The story I had been telling myself for years, that "I'll be happy when..." was preventing me from recognizing all I am now, all I have accomplished, and all the good I have done. I'd been holding my breath, and wouldn't let myself exhale until I arrived in the place I thought I needed to be. I was wrong. I am forever grateful for the time I had at home, and my desire to do so was satisfied. However, being able to step back into the role as a working mom on my terms with a new perspective has empowered me more than ever before.
Likewise, I came back to teaching with a new mission and a new vision. With a fire in my soul knowing I can do so much good for the youth in my community. I had to, nothing else would suffice. I was determined to make real connections with my students, to see them each as their own beautiful, individual souls. I was going to teach, empower, uplift, inspire, and show my students I care about them, and they are going to learn along the way.
You might be thinking, but Melody, didn't you do that for the ten years you taught previously? Honestly, as much as I would like to say yes, the reality is I was closed off and didn't always strive to make authentic connections. I doubted myself too much. I didn't think I had much else to offer than a lesson. However, the perspective a gained from stepping away, the time I had to recharge, and the decision I made to return to teaching and the opportunity to reinvent myself have given me more purpose than ever before. Being a teacher is part of my identity. It's one of the defining responsibilities I have.
More than ever, I know who I am. I am an amazing mother; I am an inspirational teacher, and I am a dedicated wife. No more holes in my heart. No more searching. I found it. I'm no longer waiting for what's next. Here and now is where it's at, and I am so here for it.
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